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exbrideOnce upon a time, a video game existed for Revolutionary Girl Utena on the Sega Saturn system. It had a terrifying opening and a main character that allowed the player to self-insert themselves into Ohtori and interact with its colorful cast. In the game a point system is set up to affect outcomes depending on your answers given or actions taken, in the typical style of the visual novel.
Via this archaic gem we found out that Anthy's secret kryptonite is bad puns and terrible jokes, for this is the only way to gain points with her beyond showing an interest in the Rose Bride. Amusing dipshits are apparently so attractive to her that she's willing to sabotage Utena just for a night of fun with one. Here's how it goes:
Anthy:
You're in trouble right now.
Didn't you come here seeking something from me?
Do you want answers?
Or me, myself?
Do you want me... want the Rose Bride?
With me, you'll obtain the Power to revolutionize the world.
If you have that, you won't disappear.
Isn't that what you're thinking?
MC:
What should I do...?
Is it that I don't want to disappear?
Or...
Anthy:
Please choose. Answers, or me?
Choose me or disappear. What does that even mean? Since you are a dipshit, you allow yourself to be totally confounded into Anthy's grasp.
MC:
I want you... the Rose Bride!
I want Himemiya Anthy to be mine.
Anthy:
I understand.
Then, take this...
There's only one way to obtain the Rose Bride.
And that's to win me in a duel.
MC:
Win a duel...
Beat Utena...
And then, obtain the Rose Bride.
I'll do it!
But hey, Utena always wins these things, right? When do duelists lose? They lose when Anthy decides they do, that's when.
Anthy:
Here, Utena-sama, (take this!)
Utena:
Eh? Eh? Eh?
D-ko:
Alriiiiight!
I've taken the Rose Bride, Tenjou Utena!
Anthy:
Please cheer up, Tenjou-san.
Utena:
But, Himemiya...
Jesus, Anthy, I actually can't think of a harsher betrayal than shucking Utena off with the same words you used to shuck Saionji off, right after sabotaging her by switching out the Sword of Dios with a squeaky hammer, and all so you can get some. Episode 38 doesn't have anything on this game. And make no mistake as to the purpose of your main character obtaining the Rose Bride for exactly one night.
MC: (gleefully)
Oopsie, my hand slipped ~!
Anthy: (not sounding upset)
Oh my, master, not there...!
MC:
You're the Rose Bride, aren't you?
Are you going to talk back to your fiancee like that?
Anthy:
Ah, please forgive me!
MC:
Ehh, never, never!
(Yah, yah, yaaah!)
Anthy:
Ahhh ~!
Well. Okay. That's rather clear. The next day Utena comes looking around for a rematch and our main character loses because, and I quote, "It's no good. I was up all night playing with Anthy, so I'm sooo sleepy," and Anthy dismisses her in much the same manner that she dismissed Utena the day before. With her fling successfully obtained she goes back to her main squeeze, who has no reason to suspect anything since she conveniently believes the Rose Bride makes no decisions of her own. Flawless victory.
(Thanks to Dallbun for translating!)
Via this archaic gem we found out that Anthy's secret kryptonite is bad puns and terrible jokes, for this is the only way to gain points with her beyond showing an interest in the Rose Bride. Amusing dipshits are apparently so attractive to her that she's willing to sabotage Utena just for a night of fun with one. Here's how it goes:
Anthy:
You're in trouble right now.
Didn't you come here seeking something from me?
Do you want answers?
Or me, myself?
Do you want me... want the Rose Bride?
With me, you'll obtain the Power to revolutionize the world.
If you have that, you won't disappear.
Isn't that what you're thinking?
MC:
What should I do...?
Is it that I don't want to disappear?
Or...
Anthy:
Please choose. Answers, or me?
Choose me or disappear. What does that even mean? Since you are a dipshit, you allow yourself to be totally confounded into Anthy's grasp.
MC:
I want you... the Rose Bride!
I want Himemiya Anthy to be mine.
Anthy:
I understand.
Then, take this...
There's only one way to obtain the Rose Bride.
And that's to win me in a duel.
MC:
Win a duel...
Beat Utena...
And then, obtain the Rose Bride.
I'll do it!
But hey, Utena always wins these things, right? When do duelists lose? They lose when Anthy decides they do, that's when.
Anthy:
Here, Utena-sama, (take this!)
Utena:
Eh? Eh? Eh?
D-ko:
Alriiiiight!
I've taken the Rose Bride, Tenjou Utena!
Anthy:
Please cheer up, Tenjou-san.
Utena:
But, Himemiya...
Jesus, Anthy, I actually can't think of a harsher betrayal than shucking Utena off with the same words you used to shuck Saionji off, right after sabotaging her by switching out the Sword of Dios with a squeaky hammer, and all so you can get some. Episode 38 doesn't have anything on this game. And make no mistake as to the purpose of your main character obtaining the Rose Bride for exactly one night.
MC: (gleefully)
Oopsie, my hand slipped ~!
Anthy: (not sounding upset)
Oh my, master, not there...!
MC:
You're the Rose Bride, aren't you?
Are you going to talk back to your fiancee like that?
Anthy:
Ah, please forgive me!
MC:
Ehh, never, never!
(Yah, yah, yaaah!)
Anthy:
Ahhh ~!
Well. Okay. That's rather clear. The next day Utena comes looking around for a rematch and our main character loses because, and I quote, "It's no good. I was up all night playing with Anthy, so I'm sooo sleepy," and Anthy dismisses her in much the same manner that she dismissed Utena the day before. With her fling successfully obtained she goes back to her main squeeze, who has no reason to suspect anything since she conveniently believes the Rose Bride makes no decisions of her own. Flawless victory.
(Thanks to Dallbun for translating!)
